OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
