her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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