you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
