My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize