Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
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I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
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She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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