I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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