Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
