Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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