you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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