No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
