If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
