I wish my penis had an off switch
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
