it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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