when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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