I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
