matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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