the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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