Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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