Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think your dad took our porno
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
