You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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