So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
