My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
