She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
