It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
