I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
