When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
