i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
