Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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