So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
