This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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