as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This gyro tastes like lonliness
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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