I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
