I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
