the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
