it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
