How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
