Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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