There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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