hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
