Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
