ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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