Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
