Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
