dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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