you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
