I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
