fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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