he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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