i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
