me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
