best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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