Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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