I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm determined to sit on that face.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
