i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Operation Purity has been aborted
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
