can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
