Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
try to milk me bitch
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