made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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