You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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