Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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