I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
