Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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