When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
