Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He felt like a one man threesome
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
