I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
