She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
