when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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