Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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