he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
